Honor
by QueXseraXsera
Summary: Zuko stands in front of the war council chamber after returning to the fire nation and takes a moment to settle his conflicted thoughts. Set in Zuko's point of view and during the first episodes of Book 3: Fire.


Honor

I strode into the room, as I had always meant to. The shimmering gold symbol of the fire nation almost seemed to burn off the red silk. I faced the doors to the war chamber in front of me, still as big and imposing when I was thirteen. And it occurred to me, that in all my nights dreaming of some desperate glory leading me home, I had never actually dreamed this far. All I wanted was to go home. I had the glory so what did the meaningless actions after matter to me?

I find it interesting to think that most dreams have a cutting off point. Especially the really happy kind. It's as if even in your subconscious, you know that happiness doesn't last forever.

_ Isn't this what you had always wanted?_

Someone somewhere, probably the person who had warned against getting things you wished for, was laughing at me. I could just tell. But that's not the reason why I had stopped in front of those double doors waiting.

Somehow I was thirteen again and I had all the excitement of seeing my first war council meeting. Except now I knew what happened after. The memory left a sour taste in my mind, tainting whatever glory I had thought I gained.

_ Traitor—prince._

That's what people in the streets whispered about me. As if I was suddenly more traitor than prince. As if I had somehow chosen to be banished, instead of speaking out of turn. Whatever. They hadn't traveled the world, risked everything to be here in this room. I had. And yet…

And yet I was standing here struck as dumb as the village idiot in front of double doors that seemed to also work as a time machine. I was so screwed. I had traveled to the ends of the earth to see that stupid little airbender. And I had killed him. Probably. I groaned and made to run my fingers through my hair. Only I couldn't because of the crown that was affixed to my head.

_ Oh. Right_.

Was being a prince that second nature to me? On the ship I certainly acted like one, ordering the guards about and everyone else for that matter. And after the ship… Agni, that was another story. Uncle had always taught me the right thing to do or what I thought was the right thing to do, which was in itself completely different from the right thing. Who was I kidding? It wasn't right. It was just easy. Easier to go with Azula and pretend I had a family for once. Easy to accept the half-way glory of killing—but not capturing-the Avatar. And Father, being well…Father, had probably wanted his head.

_ Oh well_.

I shrugged. It was not good to do this in matters that concerned g-ds or warlord fathers. I shrugged off the consequences of possible failure just as I had done all those years ago in front of these same double doors. I stepped forth. Perhaps I was more of a traitor—prince then I had ever been. Or perhaps I was basking in the glory I had always hoped for. The two realities stretched before me like a fork in the road. Somewhere, probably in an alternate universe, there was another Prince Zuko who was entering these same doors to a cacophony of cheers at slaying the Avatar. A corner of my mouth twitched upward. I knew in a million year that would never happen. Still, it was nice to savor in that dream for just a moment.

_ Somewhere in an alternate reality there was also probably a Prince Zuko who still worked together with his Uncle_.

Now this thought was not so pleasant. It gave a voice to the doubt that had been banging at the confines of my brain. What if what was right and what Uncle though was right were one in the same? Now there was another unsettling thought. Clearly they came in pairs. Well I couldn't be more screwed than I was right now could I? (Universe don't answer that). Finally with a slight breath to steady myself, and thanking Agni that I was wearing armor (I was going to need it) I went inside.

**Author's Note: **Okay, I know that this story is bordering on anti-fluff. Somehow that's how all my stories end up. Zuko is a little OOC partly because I haven't re-watched Avatar:The Last Airbender in a while and partly because I haven't written a guy's POV in first person in FOREVER. And the funny thing is this story is also inspired by a song/picture. Well, actually it's inspired by the actualy episode in which Zuko stands before that fabric hanging (I know I took some liberties with that and made it into a door) to the war room or throne room or wherever. It was so sad that I had to draw it. And then procrastinating on my "Almost There" story led me to this plot bunny and now I have a fanfiction written waaay after the series ended. Well, to all of you still reading Avatar fanfiction, I hope you enjoyed this (and if you did write a review to tell me how much)!


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